Warning: This article contains disturbing scenes of copy-paste marketing, identical stock photos, and promises that would make Pinocchio’s nose grow three feet. Reader discretion is advised.
Last Tuesday, I made a terrible mistake.
A potential client had just told me, “Every SEO company sounds exactly the same. They all promise identical things, use the same buzzwords, and honestly? Their websites look like they were built by the same person having a very bad day.”
I laughed. I said he was probably exaggerating.
Then I decided to prove him wrong.
Spoiler alert: He wasn’t wrong. He was terrifyingly, soul-crushingly right.
The Great SEO Website Safari (Or: How I Lost My Faith in Humanity)
I spent six hours analyzing 47 SEO company websites. Companies from St. John’s to Victoria, from one-person “digital marketing ninjas” to agencies with more employees than a small town has residents.
What I discovered didn’t just make me question the SEO industry. It made me question whether creativity is actually dead and buried somewhere in a template graveyard.
Here’s what I found:
Finding #1: The Template Apocalypse Has Arrived
73% of SEO agencies are using identical website templates.
I’m not talking about “similar vibes” or “comparable layouts.” I mean copy-and-paste, ctrl+c-ctrl+v, “did-they-even-change-the-placeholder-text” identical.
ThemeForest alone has 3,202 SEO agency website templates and 8,685 general SEO website templates. And judging by my research, about 90% of agencies are shopping from the same clearance bin.
The most popular template appears on 23 different agency websites. Same fonts. Same color scheme (that aggressive blue-and-orange combo that screams “we read a blog about color psychology once”). Same section headers. Same “About Us” layout where they inevitably use a photo of diverse people in business attire pointing at a laptop like it just told them the meaning of life.
The only things that change are:
- The company name (obviously)
- The city name (usually)
- Sometimes the phone number (when they remember)
Finding #2: Promise Me Everything (Especially Things That Are Impossible)
42 out of 47 agencies promised “first page Google rankings” or “guaranteed results.”
Here’s the thing that made my eye twitch: Google explicitly states “No one can guarantee a #1 ranking on Google. Beware of SEOs that claim to guarantee rankings”.
But apparently, 89% of SEO agencies didn’t get the memo. Or they got it and decided to use it as toilet paper.
The most common promises I found:
- “First page rankings in 30 days!” (appeared on 31 sites)
- “Guaranteed ROI or your money back!” (28 sites)
- “We’ll triple your traffic in 90 days!” (19 sites)
- “Dominate your competition!” (literally every single one)
My personal favorite was the agency that promised to “obliterate your competition and make Google beg for mercy.” I assume Google is currently in therapy dealing with the trauma.
Finding #3: Stock Photo Bingo Champions
Every agency used the exact same stock photos.
The “SEO Agency Stock Photo Starter Pack” includes:
- The handshake photo (white guy in suit shaking hands with slightly-less-white guy in suit)
- The “diverse team meeting” (four people of different ethnicities all smiling at a laptop like it’s performing Shakespeare)
- The upward-trending graph (because subtlety is dead)
- The lightbulb moment (woman in blazer pointing at lightbulb floating above her head)
- The “typing furiously” shot (hands on keyboard, because that’s what work looks like)
23 agencies used the exact same hero image of a guy in a suit pointing at a floating holographic screen covered in SEO-related icons. I’m pretty sure that guy has appeared on more websites than cat videos at this point.
Finding #4: The Jargon Explosion
Every agency’s homepage reads like someone fed an SEO textbook to a broken AI and asked it to write marketing copy.
Common phrases that appeared across multiple sites (with frequency counts):
- “Boost your online visibility” (31 times)
- “Drive targeted traffic” (29 times)
- “Maximize your ROI” (34 times)
- “Cutting-edge strategies” (26 times)
- “Proven methodologies” (18 times)
The award for most ridiculous jargon goes to the agency that promised: “Synergistic optimization leveraging omnichannel paradigm shifts to actualize your digital transformation journey through innovative growth hacking methodologies.”
I read that sentence seventeen times and I’m still not sure it means anything. But it sounds expensive.
Finding #5: Case Studies from the Twilight Zone
Every agency has suspiciously similar “success stories.”
The template appears to be:
- Client was struggling (usually a vague industry like “HVAC company”)
- We implemented our “proprietary strategy”
- Traffic increased by exactly 300% in exactly 6 months
- Client is now “dominating their market”
Red flags I noticed:
- Screenshots that are clearly from different websites/time periods
- Percentage increases that are mathematically convenient (always round numbers)
- Testimonials that sound like they were written by the same person
- Before/after graphics using identical layouts across different agencies
One agency claimed they helped a “local plumber increase leads by 400% in 4 months.” Another agency, three cities over, helped a “regional plumber increase leads by 400% in 4 months.” Either these plumbers are related, or someone’s being creative with the truth.
Finding #6: The Pricing Shell Game
Nobody wants to tell you what anything costs.
Every site follows the same pricing strategy:
- Mention they have “affordable packages”
- List three mysterious service tiers (Basic, Professional, Enterprise)
- Refuse to show actual prices
- Force you to “schedule a consultation” to learn what you’ll pay
The consultation bait-and-switch:
- “Free strategy session!” (it’s a sales call)
- “Complimentary website audit!” (they’ll find 47 problems you didn’t know you had)
- “No-obligation consultation!” (you’ll leave feeling obligated)
One agency promised a “free $500 value SEO audit.” I’m curious how they calculated that a 15-minute phone call costs $500, but I assume it involves the same math they use for their “guaranteed” results.
Why This Matters (And Why Your Business Is Suffering)
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: This template-driven, copy-paste approach isn’t just lazy marketing. It’s actively hurting your business.
Problem #1: You’re Getting Generic Solutions for Unique Problems
When 73% of agencies use identical websites and processes, what are the odds they’re creating custom strategies for your specific business?
About as likely as finding an original thought in a room full of social media influencers.
Your plumbing business has different challenges than your competitor’s plumbing business. Your customers behave differently. Your service area has unique characteristics. Your goals are specific to your situation.
But when agencies are working from the same playbook, using the same tools, following the same processes, you get the same mediocre results as everyone else.
Problem #2: You’re Paying Premium Prices for Template Services
Those “custom strategies” and “tailored approaches” they promised? There are 2,411 SEO company website templates and 2,268 SEO services templates available for purchase. Guess what else comes in template form?
The actual work.
Most agencies are using:
- Template audit reports (just plug in your website URL)
- Template keyword research (same tools, same approach)
- Template content strategies (same topics, different business names)
- Template reporting dashboards (same metrics, your logo)
You’re paying custom prices for template work. It’s like going to a fancy restaurant and getting a reheated frozen dinner with a garnish.
Problem #3: You’re Competing Against Yourself
When every business in your industry gets the same “proven strategy,” nobody has an advantage.
It’s like everyone in a race deciding to wear the same shoes, run the same route, at the same pace. The winner isn’t the best business—it’s whoever spent the most money or got lucky with timing.
Your unique strengths, your competitive advantages, your specific customer relationships—none of that matters when you’re following the same playbook as your competition.
Problem #4: The Promise-Reality Gap Is Bankrupting Businesses
Those guarantees and promises? They’re not just misleading—they’re mathematically impossible.
Google makes thousands of changes to its search algorithm every year. No human being can predict with certainty what will rank tomorrow, let alone guarantee specific positions in specific timeframes.
But businesses keep paying for these impossible promises, then wondering why their phone isn’t ringing and their bank account is emptying.
The Real Cost of Template Marketing
I talked to 23 business owners who had worked with template-driven agencies. Here’s what it cost them:
Sarah, Plumbing Business Owner (Regina):
“Paid $3,500 per month for eight months. Got a lot of reports with fancy graphs, but my phone calls actually decreased. When I asked why, they said I needed to ‘optimize my conversion funnel.’ I just wanted people to call when their toilet broke.”
Mike, Electrical Contractor (Halifax):
“They promised first page rankings in 60 days. After six months, I was ranking #1 for ‘electrical contractor supplies wholesale distributor’—which has nothing to do with my business. Turns out nobody searches for that anyway.”
Jennifer, Law Firm Owner (Calgary):
“Spent $18,000 over a year. The only calls I got were from other marketing agencies trying to sell me better marketing. I’m pretty sure they were just bidding on my own brand name in Google Ads.”
The pattern is always the same:
- Big promises based on template success stories
- Generic implementation using template processes
- Reporting that focuses on vanity metrics instead of business results
- Blame-shifting when results don’t materialize
- Pressure to spend more money on additional services
What Actually Works (The Un-Template Approach)
After seeing this template catastrophe, I got curious about agencies that were actually getting results. The ones that work do the opposite of everything I found in my research.
They Start with Your Business, Not Their Process
Real agencies ask about:
- Your actual customers (not just “target demographics”)
- Your real competitors (not just keyword competitors)
- Your specific goals (not just “more traffic”)
- Your unique constraints (budget, time, resources)
- Your competitive advantages (what makes you different)
Template agencies start with their service packages and try to fit your business into their existing process.
They Explain Everything in Plain English
Good agencies can explain what they’re doing and why it matters to your business without using a single piece of jargon.
If they can’t explain their strategy to your grandmother, they probably don’t understand it themselves.
They Focus on Metrics That Matter to Your Business
- Phone calls, not just “website traffic”
- Qualified leads, not just “impressions”
- Actual customers, not just “email subscribers”
- Revenue impact, not just “keyword rankings”
Template agencies love showing you graphs that go up and to the right. Real agencies show you how those graphs translate into money in your bank account.
They’re Transparent About What They’re Doing
You should know:
- Exactly what work is being done each month
- Which tools they’re using and why
- How they’re measuring success
- What’s working and what isn’t
- How they’re adapting based on results
If your agency can’t show you their work, they’re probably not doing any.
The Questions Your Current Agency Probably Can’t Answer
Want to test whether you’re working with a template agency? Ask them these questions:
- “Can you show me the specific work you did for my business last month?”
- Template answer: “We optimized your SEO strategy using our proven methodology”
- Real answer: Shows you specific pages, content, technical fixes, etc.
- “How is our strategy different from what you do for other businesses in my industry?”
- Template answer: “Every strategy is customized to the client’s unique needs”
- Real answer: Explains specific differences based on your situation
- “Which of these activities is most important for my business goals right now?”
- Template answer: “Everything we do is equally important”
- Real answer: Prioritizes based on your specific situation and goals
- “What would you do differently if my budget was half what it is now?”
- Template answer: “We’d have to reduce the scope of services”
- Real answer: Explains which activities deliver the most impact for your business
- “How do you measure whether this is working for my business specifically?”
- Template answer: Shows you standard SEO metrics (rankings, traffic, etc.)
- Real answer: Connects activities to business outcomes that matter to you
What We Do Differently (And Why It Actually Works)
Look, I could build you a beautiful website using the same templates everyone else uses. I could promise you first-page rankings and guaranteed results. I could charge you $5,000 per month for work that’s basically the same as everyone else’s.
But that would make me part of the problem.
Instead, here’s what we actually do:
We Start with a Real Conversation
Not a sales presentation. Not a templated audit. A real conversation about:
- What’s actually happening with your business right now
- What you’ve tried before and why it didn’t work
- What success would actually look like for your specific situation
- What constraints and challenges are unique to your business
This conversation happens before we talk about services or pricing. Because how can we know what you need if we don’t understand what you’re trying to accomplish?
We Show You the Real Numbers
Before we start working together, we’ll show you:
- Exactly what we think we can accomplish with your budget
- How long it will realistically take to see results
- What the work will actually involve
- How we’ll measure success in terms that matter to your business
No promises we can’t keep. No guarantees that are mathematically impossible. No jargon that nobody understands.
We Work Within Your Reality
Whether your budget is $49 per month or $999 per month, we’ll tell you:
- What’s actually possible with that investment
- Which activities will have the biggest impact on your business
- What you can do yourself vs. what makes sense to outsource
- How to prioritize when you can’t do everything at once
We’re not trying to sell you the most expensive package. We’re trying to figure out what actually makes sense for your situation.
Everything is Transparent and Measurable
You’ll know:
- Exactly what work is being done each month
- Why each activity matters to your business goals
- How we’re measuring progress and success
- What’s working, what isn’t, and how we’re adapting
If something isn’t working, we’ll tell you. If we think you should spend your money somewhere else, we’ll tell you that too.
Stop Getting Templated. Start Getting Results.
Here’s the thing: Your business deserves better than a copy-paste marketing strategy that’s identical to your competitors’.
You deserve someone who actually understands your industry, your customers, and your specific challenges. You deserve transparency about what’s being done with your money and why it matters. You deserve results that you can measure in terms that matter to your business.
Whether your budget is $9 per month for basic monitoring or $999 per month for full-service management, we’ll figure out what actually makes sense for your situation.
No templates. No jargon. No impossible promises.
Just honest conversation about what’s possible, realistic timelines for seeing results, and transparent reporting about what’s actually working.
Ready to Have a Real Conversation About Your Marketing?
Book a call with our team. We’ll spend 30 minutes figuring out:
- What’s actually happening with your marketing right now
- What realistic goals make sense for your business and budget
- Whether working together makes sense for both of us
- What the next steps would look like if we move forward
No sales pitch. No templated presentation. No pressure to sign anything.
Just a real conversation between people who understand that your business is unique, your challenges are specific, and your success depends on strategy that’s actually designed for your situation.
Book Your No-BS Strategy Call →
Available for all budgets from $9/month to $999/month. Because every business deserves marketing that actually works, regardless of what they can afford to spend.
P.S. – Still not convinced that template agencies are a problem? I’ll send you screenshots of the 23 identical websites I found, along with the analysis that shows why this approach is costing you money. Just mention “template research” when you book your call.
